So, I joined the 101 community. I think that it'll be good for me. It may even give me a sense of purpose. Since I've graduated college, I feel like there is not much for me to work towards. We'll see. I guess I'll track my progress here. I have this account and I never use it.

It has changed some since I wrote it...maybe I'll post that update later.

( The lissssst )

So, I was reading old journal entried. Me and Beebs were meant to be best friends. We're hilarious now, and hilarious back then. I wonder what it'll be like in 40 years.

Probably N'Sync. I collected pictures and everything. I was pretty die hard.

I don't think I ever wanted so badly to be at home. Don't get me wrong, I always love being at home- but Tallahasse has never felt so foreign. The summertime in Tallahassee is always associated with bad feelings and bad memories. I guess the comfort of always having someone (even strangers) around is replaced with nervous feelings of being part of a ghost town.

Every so often I get this feeling that I can't shake. I feel like I am a shell of a person sometime...hollow, and somewhat like tin. It's bizarre. I'm so empty, so lonley. :(

April is National Poetry Month. When you see this post a poem you like!

i carry your heart with me by ee cummings


i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Leave a comment and I'll give you a letter; then you have to list 10 things you like or love starting with that letter. Post them in your journal and give out new letters to your commenters in turn.


Mine was W

Water
Wal-Mart
Watermelon
Walks
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Winter
Won-tons
Whining
West Side Story
What Not To Wear

I love it when people fuck up and they still hang on their high horse. Good job. I can't wait until you do that to parents at your school. It'll come and bite you in the ass.

I feel good.

changes, changes. No one really likes change, we just have to realize the good in it. :)

I went to the gym today, and it kicked my ass, and I like that feeling. Classes are gong pretty well, and I'm keeping busy with that and work. I like that I can't really find the time for much else. When I get to relax, it feels amazing. :)

That is all.

I feel sort of blank, I guess. It feels almost like a break-up really. Not the intense, broken-heart sort of pain, but the numb heavy-heart feeling. I suppose that is what happens when some big part of your life, isn't part of your life anymore. All in all, this it really is the beginning of a good semester. There has been a lot of changes taking place in my life so I hope I made the right choice. I'll never think of the whole experience as negative. I'd more like to think of it as an eye-opening experience because I did learn a lot. A lot of people, myself, and what I what from my life. Quite possibly that is why I was given the opportunity.

I'm sorry if there was anyone that I "offended," but you need to know that offend all the time. Reflect on yourselves, instead of so much on other people.

So I'm finally done for this semster. After a long and ever stressful Fall, I am finish. Done. Finito. Until January. However, I think that I will find this short little break will do me some good. I didn't do as well this semster, as one would've hoped. Oh well, I am done.

Did anyone else notice how fabulously beautiful it was outside today? The weather was absolutely superb, which is exactly why I went ate lunch outside instead of going to class. Hurrah. :)

Work time. Someone visit me @ Coldstone on Tennessee!

I always find stupid things to do instead of reading. eff the internet.

I'm tired. I'm sweaty. I hurt in weirdy places. It's preseason training and I FREAKING LOVE LOVE CHIEFS! This will be a great season. Woot.


The 20th was 2 years for Joe and I. Hell, yes! I got a wonderful gift certificate to get myself Vera Bradley stuff! Yes, yes...woooonderful. :)

School starts Monday. 6 days. I'm scurred.

I went to Tallahasee this weekend. It was good, because I really wanted to see my Joey! I think that should hold me over until I get back in two weeks. Nothing like a good Joe hug. The ride up there is also so much better than driving alone. I don't know how she does it, but my mom always seems to get there in just over 3 hours. I wish I could do that. We had Moe's when we got into town! love. Then we picked up Daniel from work, so he didn't have to walk and then started on Project: Clean Room. I guess my room was a lot more messy than I had wanted my mom to see. Eh, well. It needed to be done, and I'm glad it is because I have a lot less stuff in there now. I think I still need to get rid of more stuff though. It's clean and when I get back into town for good all I have to do is put away clothes and whatnot. Great! I have cute new things for my bathroom too. :)

Saturday was a great day because we basically shopped at all. Old Navy had a fabulous sale and I bought a two huge bags full of clothes for about $100. I was in heaven. I bought skirts, tanks, jeans, and dress pants. Since Tallahassee has two stores, I got even more great stuff. *gushes* After the tiring shopping experience, we took Mom to Sahara. I'm glad she actually liked it! I FINALLY got to see the season finale of Big Love, which aired like two-something months ago. I almost forgot how much I love love that show. It got gipped by the Emmy's but wait until next season! It's getting even better than I had thought.

Today we went to breakfast with Joe and Daniel, then hit the road. I freaking hate leaving Joe, it's so sad. It's the same when I leave Mom, too. I just hate leaving, each way. :(

Each night that I tried to sleep, I couldn't. I'm pretty sure I have a sinus infection or something equally as obnxious. I can't freaking breathe out of one nostril when I lay down and that is probably the most annoying feeling ever. Sudafed has been helping sort of, but I usually wake up really early in the morning because I can't breathe at all. I'm sort of suffocating. Weirdy feeling.

Myspace isn't working. That seems to be the thing people are complaining about the most tonight. Oh well, bed time now. Stuff to do tomorrow if I feel up to it!

And the fortune said...

"never smell the inside of a hat."

That is all.

I was reading journal entries from about 2 years ago to now. It's funny seeing how I reacted to certain things and how I feel about them now. Why is it that when something doesn't go our way, we feel like our emotions will go on forever? When you feel sometimes completely, you feel it with every second. It's usually why it feel unbearable. Most of the entries were about me wanting to get into the then School of Music. Now, I'm happy that chose English Education because I feel so good about it. My stomach is settled and it actually feels right. I love that feel. When, click, the piece fits and you sink back into your chair.

I've actually been getting that feeling about a lot of things in my life lately, and I have my relaxing summer to thank for that. I've had a lot of time on my hands to sit and think. Normally, I would think that isn't such a hot idea, but I think I actually needed it. Sometimes people go through life too long, not thinking about things. I see what that does to them. How sad. Anyways, I was also reading about when I first met Joe, and our first date when he made me dinner. I love him so much now, and two years ago, in my journal, it seemed like I knew something good was going to come of it. I was just reading it, and I was tearing up because I remember how I felt. I love that new-ness feeling. Our relationship is much different now. It's good, but different. I know it's right though because it feels right.

No matter how hard you try to ignore the "right" feeling, it's always in the back of your mind and you really can't ignore it. I guess I finally understand what it means to follow your heart.

I think I'm going to post something random on myspace, then reading, then bed. :)

mushkins2003 (1:44:20 AM): who is this thenextvincent guy?
Sthrnbl719 (1:44:29 AM): uh that's kenny
mushkins2003 (1:44:37 AM): ohhhhh
mushkins2003 (1:44:45 AM): because you always have funny things from him
mushkins2003 (1:44:49 AM): like the one in your info.
Sthrnbl719 (1:44:49 AM): lol
Sthrnbl719 (1:44:53 AM): yeah
mushkins2003 (1:44:54 AM): i dont talk to him online.
mushkins2003 (1:45:03 AM): so i was like...wtf is this?
Sthrnbl719 (1:45:07 AM): haha
Sthrnbl719 (1:45:12 AM): yeah i have a lover
Sthrnbl719 (1:45:15 AM): i'm just not telling you
Sthrnbl719 (1:45:19 AM): but now you've found out
Sthrnbl719 (1:45:22 AM): fuck.
mushkins2003 (1:45:32 AM): that's what i thought!
mushkins2003 (1:45:40 AM): >:(
Sthrnbl719 (1:45:49 AM): lol
Sthrnbl719 (1:49:20 AM): geez
Sthrnbl719 (1:49:36 AM): freaking a ashley
Sthrnbl719 (1:49:40 AM): way to be fuckin nosy
mushkins2003 (1:49:47 AM): what?!
mushkins2003 (1:49:51 AM): i have a right,
Sthrnbl719 (1:49:51 AM): lol
Sthrnbl719 (1:49:55 AM): oh puh leez
Sthrnbl719 (1:50:02 AM): you lost that right a long time ago
mushkins2003 (1:50:24 AM): *gasp*
Sthrnbl719 (1:50:54 AM): yep thats right
Sthrnbl719 (1:50:54 AM): i went there
Sthrnbl719 (1:50:54 AM): fuckin deal with it


She gets cranky and curses when she's tired. :)

Today was just way cooler than I thought, it was supposed to be rainy and cloudy, but really it was a great day. It didn't start to get nasty hot until much later, and the clouds stayed away most of the day. I went to Busch Gardens with Kevin, Nelson, Robby, Kristy- Robby's wifey, Kristi, Sammi, Lindsey, and Chris. I rode Shiekra for the first time- I admit- it freaked me the fuck out. I was lame and didn't go on it again. (PMS-y) I got completely soaked on Congo River Rapids. Me and Lindsey- mostly Lindsey- got blasted by a huge shot of water. I guess that was the highlight for me since the rest of the rides I always go one.

Poor Kevin and his sprained ankled had to be pushed around in a wheelchair. Not only pushed around, but by the two worst people to do it- Robby and Nelson. It was funny the first time they pushed him and then let go but then it started to get ridiculous. It actually was funny everyday. Then they started to get crazy and let him go down small hills and almost into people. If that wasn't enough fun, they left the breaks on and pushed him around that way too, leaving wheel marks behind. The good part about having a cripple ;) was that you really don't have to wait in line. Seriously, it was so empty today.

Lindsey, Sammi, Kristy, Kevin and I rode the carousel while the others did The Pheonix. That ride sucks. The Carousel is always fun because you sit a do nothing. Lunch was really fun because we laughed the whole time. Robby was his same disgusting self- I think I almost missed that. Maybe not.

Overall, it was fabulous day and I hope to do it again before I have to get back to Tallahassee.

-Stolen quotes from Lindsey-

*talking about the young girls*
chris: if my dad can do it, so can i

robby: uppity up up up
kristy: omg shut up

robby: where's kevin?
kevin: *wheeling down the hill in his wheel chair*

robby: say squirrel
kevin: squirrel
robby: say monkey
kevin: monkey
robby: say hyena
kevin: hi...hi...
robby: say hippo *smacks kevin*

Ugh. The thing that I hate the most about finals week is that I always calculate my predicted grades for classes, and I am always...always disappointed. I wish I had the motivation during the semester as I do at the end of the semester. I always disappoint myself because I notice that most of my grades are just a few point away from being A's. Then I think to myself, "If I had only gone to class ONE more day, I could have gotten an A." That is really disappointing. Also at the end of the semester, I feel so apathetic towards everything else. I can barely remember everything that I have to do, even if I write it down. I usually forget to look in my planner. Great. But anyways, I'm sick of being a B student. I feel like B's aren't getting me into graduate school.

On a side note, I was contemplating adding a second major. I've been messing with my schedule and if I put off graduation until the summer of '08 then I could probably do it. Is there a point, though? I don't know. I know I could most definitely get a minor, but I know there is definitely not point in declaring a minor when I don't need one because they aren't really worth anything. So anyways, I was thinking of adding on Women's Studies. My rationale is because I want to get into gender issues in education. I feel like adding that major is a good place to start. I also feel that gender issues is something I can really contribute and I haven't felt such a pull towards something like that since I got more involved in my education work. I don't think people realize how much you actually have to do for education.

I am glad that I have some sort of direction towards something because it makes me feel like I am actually accomplishing something. :)

It's also depressing how people think of the education profession. Just because we don't make an incredible amount of money, people think it's not a worthwhile career. Whatever. I feel like punching everyone who thinks that right square in the nose. If you really think about it though, 30 something thousand dollars a year isn't too bad. (Of course it's not nearly enough for the amount of work involved but it still isn't a horrible amount.) It's more than I had growing up, and teaching is so rewarding, I don't think I'd really want to do anything else.

I've never been one who would want to be incredibly filthy rich because it's almost sick. Yes, it would be nice to have what you need, when you need it...but seriously, I don't need a half million dollar house or anything like that. It always seems like the least active jobs are the ones that make money. It's interesting. That's besides doctors or lawyers because those are worthwhile, very time consuming jobs.